dunno Y

i am feeling it again
crying out of no reason
then i am thinking
if i ever get tired of this life..
where can i go to??
fren's house?
back to my family??
it is not that he s not trying
he tried
i know
but after he had tried so hard,
he wiped out all his credit himself
with a frustration on his face when talking to me
when he asked wat's wrong
he is impatient
he is not understanding enuv
he is calculating now
saying things that he hav to do and being so mean
mayb he is tired too
of all this...
but once we hav started this commitment,
i know that it will be never ending
unless a seperation
take into place....
am too emotional?
or is this relationship started to be shaken
perhaps, it is time to take a break from all this...
to run away as if i do not hav any commitment or responsibilities at all
but can i do that?
i know i am capable to do it..
if i am desperate enuv..
i hav to admit that having a family is not easy
sometimes the frustration will mount higher than wat can be handled
the feeling being crushed between two walls that collapses on me
not being able to move or to struggle
but to stuck in between there
waiting for someone to realised i am down under that piles of walls
or until i cannot make it anymore..
there were times that i cried so much
that my eyes were so dehydrated,
its feel like a bee sting when i am blinking my eyes
there were also times when i cries till i am really tired
and think no more but put myself to sleep
right now, at this moment,
i can feel my baby kicking
as if reminding me
mama,
i am here..
understanding how u feel
but i will still fantsize..
if i am now in oman,
not pregnant
earning money living in a totally different environment
how will i feel
will i feel the same
or i will be more depressed cos i am in a foreign country
or i will be contempted cos i hav wat i dreamt of having
a chance to work oversea
a chance to explore oman
to earn money
to be relax in the working env
i really dunno wat will happen if i were not pregnant
if i were in oman
i really dunno
dunno dunno dunno dunno......