i am not wat u r thinking

i went around after i have settled my patient
looking for colleague who needed help
but it seems like everybody is quite settled
eventhough the one with the heavy case hav u around
plus i cannot help much either with little experiences in cardiac cases
so i decided to stay in 1st cubicle so that i can sense better if anybody needed my help rather than in my isolation room
then u saw me talking to another colleague
u shouted at me
saying that
eh.. y u all sitting around doing nothing
cardiac room so busy but never go there to help
one new case is coming
so and prepare room 6 for me
u all cannot sit around
must help
.......
i am upset
very upset
without knowing anything and just seeing wat u saw, u make a quite conclusion
without even asking
without even telling us that there is a case coming in advance
and now u blame us for sitting around??!!!
u r too much
.......
i wonder..
does all managers behave like this?
i feel that in nursing, managers know how to take care of pt
but if we r saying welfare for staff and staff management...
they r far bhind the management people
or i must say
they do not know how to value staff
do not know how to treat staff as an individual
do not see that we are all adult worker
not somebody who needs their constant scolding or nagging
or ill treat
.........
that is y i think working oversea open my eyes to another world
i hope to find some place who managers can treat me as an adult
an adult who needs guidance thru my working carreer
who see me as a person who wanted to learn and share with others
that can understand what i want in mt career....
nursing for me is not just a job
but it is a passion that will go on
i need to constantly upgrade myself with new info and more difficult task
but it seems like i hav not been given a chance
mayb i have myself to blame
when my previous manager wanted to send me to oncology adv dip
i turned then down
now i am asking for another chance that will come only years later
but i do not see y they did not send me for short courses that do not need any bonding with hosp
courses like CRRT, LSCN, Oncology workshop, asthma workshop and so forth
mayb i am not in a position to ask anyway
since i am consider still new in the department
but if this kind of incident keep happening,
i do not think that i will be old enough to ask....
hahah....

u r too mean

i am not the one who pass u the sticker
i do not know wat info is lacking
so u r my manager
u can just call me and shout in the phone for the extra info that u need
it is not my fault
y do u hav to be so mean??

i brokedown

*beep* *beep* *beep*
the alarm rang
it was 6 o'clock AM
my husband have to wake up for his LSCN test today
i force myself to sleep again cause it is too early for me to wake up since i am on afternoon duty today
but somehow,
i was breathing very hard and fast
then
without me knowing
my tears were flowing endlessly from my eyes
from whimpering to sobbing to crying out loud uncontrollably
i cannot help myself
thinking tat i cannot go to oman
i cannot resign in order to keep my maternity benefits
i do not hav a choice for 12 hr shift conversion
i have to stay in the same hospital
same stressful country
working under unsympathetic managers
sigh..
i am helpless and hopeless....
sob sob sob

as a result

i am extremely distraught
there were a few occasions that i really feel like crying it out loud
but i can't do it especially when i am in the middle of my duty
eventhough i have talk it over with my colleague
but
that did not help much
sigh......

ThE cAsE

have been sick when i'm in my 1st trimester
taken quite a number of MC in 2 months
as a result
from a 12hr shift duty, 7 days per 2 weeks duty
i was converted to a 7.5 hrs duty, 6 days week duty
their argument:
hopefully i can rest better with that kind of arrangement
but the truth
it is a kind of punishment for me
for taking so many MC in row
after a week of 6 days week duty
i cannot take it anymore
the transportation time spent
the muscle ache that i felt from everyday duty and short rest
so
i feedback to them (my managers)
telling them tat i prefer 12hr shift cause i can rest better with longer rest time
plus i am using too much time in transportation
3 hrs per day, half of my duty time
but it seems like they do not care about how am i coping
they say no to conversion to 12 hrs shift
and
wanted me to work 6 days week duty for 6 months before they will review my conversion again
...............

THE IRONY

now
14 days annual leaves
12 PH
transportation time back and forth my hospital: 3hrs
transportation, accommodation, meals: on my own
salary 2K
deductable for CPF and taxes
working hrs 7.5 hrs per day, 6 days week VS 12 hrs/day, 14days per fortnight previously
the reason??
.....

oman job offer

salary of S$ 2.5 K per month
tax free and CPF free
free accommodation + transport
2 return ticket
2 months annual leaves
8 hours shift per day
5 days week with additional one day off every month
365-104-60-12=189 working days in a year
equals to 27 weeks of total working days
according to my calculations, slightly more than half a year of total working time
BUT NOW...
IT IS ALL GONE!!
GONE!!
WITH THE NEWS OF MY PREGNANCY.........

pregnancy

changes everything
my plan to work oversea and save money
my life
my home
my destiny